Why Can't I Change?

Nothing in life stays the same. Everything grows or decays, improves or declines, unites or separates. Philosophers call this the state of flux, and Plato said we are in the Realm of Becoming, longing to arrive in the Land of Being.¹

Our relationships, minds, bodies, and faith all face this challenge. Time alone will not improve them–in fact, decay is the default state.

We need to grow. We should want to grow.

Popular psychologist Jordan Peterson says the worst thing you can tell someone is that they are “fine.” In his mind, this attempt to be “nice” stems from an egregious misunderstanding of what people truly need: an improved mind and life.

Under the banner of equality and tolerance, our culture has eroded qualitative distinctions, making all things “fine” - while most people are anything but.

The Bible is pro-growth. The apostle Paul laments the arrested development of the Corinthian church, saying,

“Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?”

A good life is unquestionably one of self-improvement, but how do we actually improve?

If information equals growth, we should be the most developed people in all of human history. There have never been more readily available tips, tricks, and strategies for personal development.

It’s overwhelming.

As followers of Jesus, we have access to more teaching, training, and discipleship tools than anyone could possibly consume.

But is this abundance of information bringing us closer to God? I can’t speak for everyone, but it has not made the difference in my life.

I was halfway through a three-hour teaching seminar at a church. The first session went way over time, and I was struggling to fit in all of my material.

During the break, I made the decision that I would skip the part of my talk where I focus on having a high view of God, a deep commitment to prayer, and a supernaturally broken heart for the world.

I launched into the “practical” part of my talk, but immediately I was hit with a deep sense from the Holy Spirit that I had made the wrong decision.

I felt a voice say, “What are you doing? Why are you skipping what matters most?”
I awkwardly backtracked and started over. I told the crowd that without a total surrender to Jesus and complete dependence on Him, we wouldn’t grow and nothing around us would change.

Reflecting on what happened, I was sure my motives had been good. I want people to grow… but growth is not about quick tips, strategies, and practical steps.

Popular author James Clear shares something the Bible has been saying all along. He writes, “It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior. You have a new goal and a new plan, but you haven’t changed who you are."²

Growth comes from a change of identity.

What you do is always an extension of who you are.

Paul told us this two thousand years ago: “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

In any area of life, including our walk with God, we want the formula. “Just give me the practical steps to growing my faith, or reaching my kids for Jesus!” As someone who teaches, I feel the pull for this type of material.

People will often say, “It would be nice if your teaching were more practical.” I have caved to this pressure, only to regret my decision.

The fact is, identity is the horse and everything else is the cart. We don’t like this because we want to be in control.

We’d rather someone give us the five steps and let us get on with it. Jesus leaves no doubt in the foolishness of this approach. He says in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

Jesus doesn’t ask for our effort, advice, or talent. He says abide, wait, listen, and trust.
He says “be,” not “do.” This means we need to spend less time making plans and trying to implement them, and more time simply with God.

In His presence, we let go of striving and burdens we were never meant to carry. We give ourselves over to His plans, ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and trust that He will show us when to move, and how.

Every time I speak, I want God to use me to help people grow. But no matter how much I am tempted to mix it up and give them something ready-made and easy to implement, I am brought back to the inescapable fact: if God doesn’t change who we are, we will never change what we do.

¹The Timaeus
²James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones